The Wedding

Spouse and I flew out to northern Illinois to attend my niece's wedding, held on July 2nd. Bethany and Steve have been together for seven years but neither Spouse nor I had met the groom. Not only is he a really nice guy who clearly adores my niece but he's not at all hard to look at! The wedding was simple and lovely and, even trying hard not to, I cried. When my sister was escorted to her seat at the front, I flashed back to her wedding day 30+ years ago. She and her Tom were so ready for marriage and so obviously in love that I couldn't help but shed happy tears.

When Bethany and Steve exited from the service, I bubbled-over again, so the picture is blurry but the memory is crystal clear.

The reception at a resort in a more rural setting was a fabulous party. It was so fun to see my sister finally let loose and enjoy herself after months of planning and preparations. Tom's words for the newlyweds were tender and hope-filled. Both the bride and her sister/maid of honor shed tears when he mentioned times he'd enjoyed with both of his girls camping and cooking out when they were members of Indian Princesses.

To make the evening even more special, the two families had selected pictures of parents, grandparents and the bride and groom when they were babies and young children. A professional then assembled them into a video with appropriate music. There wasn't a dry eye in the house when it finished. It was nice to be reminded of family members who were no longer with us at such a heartwarming event.

Before a delicious dinner and exceptionally good wines were served, the cake ritual took place. No one wanted to see this couple cram cake up eachother's noses as seems to have become SOP at some weddings. Everyone, including the few who tried to encourage such bad behavior cheered after they lovingly (and neatly) fed eachother a bit of cake.

The dance floor was filled with joyous, gyrating youngsters and not-so-youngsters for several hours. Everyone enjoyed letting off steam after the seriousness of the ceremony. And, thankfully, the bouquet and garter tosses were more or less dignified but fun.

Weddings are especially meaningful for people who have been married for a lot of years. We've been there/done that and know how hard it can be. We also know, having hung-in through the rough times, that it is totally worth the effort. Seeing how Bethany and Steve handled the pressures of their wedding and still maintained a confident, loving connection with each other while enjoying time with all their guests was impressive. I have a very good feeling about their future.

Is she pregnant?!

Sunday evening I heard what I thought was a fussy child out in our hallway. Didn't think much about it because there is a fussy child living down the hall from us. When it didn't stop, I listened more closely. It was a cat! I've been a life-long dog person but hearing a cat where one doesn't expect to hear one got my attention. Before I could open our door to see what was what, two young women knocked on it to ask if we were missing a cat. No, sorry, not ours. Of course curiosity grabbed Spouse and me and we went down the hall to check it out. This is what we saw. She was very calm and didn't mind being petted and handled but she was determined to get into the apartment door she stayed close to. The young man who lives there had brought out a carton in case she decided to pop kittens. Spouse ran back to get a beach towel to pad the box. When I laid it on its side, she willingly walked into it and laid down. Good. At least she would have a soft, private spot in which to deliver her babies. By now there was a small group of us wondering what to do about this lovely creature. I had called the complex front office and they eventually sent a plastic-badge-security-guard who joined us staring at the cat. A neighbor who owns a cat then joined our little group and suggested we call the Washington Humane Society. I had walked out of our apartment with our cordless phone and one of the girls used her Blackberry to look up the number. Being a Sunday night, the recorded message recommended calling another number, which I did and got another recorded message. [At that point I became aware that I was standing in a group, in the hall with messy hair, no make-up, wearing a scant sundress and nothing else. Too late -- my shame was there for the world to see.] Anyway -- getting back to pretty kitty -- the long and short of it is when I finally reached animal control I had to give my name and number. The woman I spoke with said someone would come to fetch the cat, however, she wasn't "allowed to tell" me when that might be. The young man and two girls mentioned earlier, were on their way to a late dinner date and the crowd in the hall had dispersed, so I felt pressured to "handle the situation til they came back." Now, remember, people thought this cat was about to give birth and I know nothing about cats; neither does Spouse. We tried putting the towel-lined box in front of our apartment door where we could keep an eye on her without having to bring her in (I've got allergies). She had other ideas. She immediately left the relative comfort of the box to return to the floor in front of the door she thought was her home at the end of the hall. S'OK -- animal control would be coming for her, so we moved the box back to the end of the hall and she walked back into it. With heavy hearts Spouse and I returned to our own apartment, closed and locked the door and thought we were finished with the situation. I sat up until 1 a.m. waiting for animal control to call saying they were on their way. Never happened and I've never heard anything back from them. It's been almost two days and I can't get pretty kitty out of my mind. Someone in our impromptu group speculated that a building resident had dumped her on our floor when they realized she was pregnant. The way she stayed so close to the door of the 01 apartment on our floor leads me to believe she lived in another apartment in that tier. I hope someone -- not ME -- investigates that. I also hope she is just a plump kitty and wasn't pregnant. I cannot imagine how someone could so cruelly abandon a vulnerable animal. There was no way she could have entered our floor without human intervention. I hope animal control catches the perp!

Same Sex Marriage

New York's adoption of laws allowing two people of the same gender to marry each other is a positive move. However, it reminds me of a lingering question: where does the separation of church and state come down on this issue? Before any couple can be married, in either a civil or religious union, they are required to purchase a license from the jurisdiction in which they plan to marry. If there really is a separation between church and state why would a government object to a couple of men or a couple of women marrying each other? Marriage is sanctioned, if you will, by either the state and church or just the state. I cannot argue with religious institutions determining who may be married in their denomination. But by what right do states get to choose who can marry whom? Yes, I know most states don't approve of first cousins marrying first cousins or siblings marrying each other. And, of course, there are age restrictions. These are reasonable because of genetic and other health concerns. Most states have already backed out of adults' bedrooms, recognizing they have no business dictating sexual behavior between consenting adults. Besides, we all know that marriage isn't all about the sex anymore! Anyone who still believes that is living in the dark ages. Of course, I support laws to protect children from incest, pedophiles and other inappropriate behavior. Children have no way of understanding or agreeing to sexual behavior. But I'm talking about the institution of marriage here. Why should two people who are prepared to devote their lives to each other, with all the legal ramifications and responsibilities, be denied that right based solely on their sexual orientation? For many these days, marriage is taken lightly and treated like a big party wherein a bride gets to boss everyone else around and have everything she wants for "her day." A splashy wedding doesn't guarantee a stable marriage. Others, mostly those who cannot legally (yet!) marry the person of their choice desire it to the point of pain. How can it be fair to exclude these people, for no other reason than their sexual orientation, from taking a life altering step that is legal for most everyone else? Is there a secret legion of Puritans running government? I cannot see any other reason to deny legal, civil marriages to gay and lesbian couples. Am I missing something?

He's Movin' On

There's a big, white moving truck across the street, emptying a lovely, old house on the grounds of the first naval observatory in D.C. Yes, there was another before the more famous one on Massachusetts Ave. Spouse and I are lucky to have a view of the far, prettier, older one across from the State Department and behind the U.S. Institute for Peace building.

Former Secretary of Defense Gates and his wife are leaving the spin-cycle-life of D.C. to return to civilian life, presumably away from Washington.

His years serving in the federal government have been jam-packed. I've noticed him coming home at all hours and on any day. His travel schedule would have been enough to exhaust much younger people yet he always carried on and through.

Maintaining professional decorum, he was still able to display honest affection and admiration for our Americans in uniform. Foreign leaders also respected him for his personal integrity, strategic intelligence and diplomatic skills.

Washington needs more men and women of Robert M. Gate's calibre. Self-aggrandizement never occurred to him and duty to his president and country always came first.

Having served two presidents -- from different parties, no less -- with extraordinary grace, intelligence and endless patience, he deserves a peaceful, private, and long vacation. Godspeed, Dr. and Mrs. Gates.

"Popping the Question"

That term bugs me whenever I read or hear it. What is it with young couples these days? Since when did it become de rigueur for the guy to "pop the question" -- a.k.a. asking for someone's hand in matrimony. Frankly, I think I'd prefer the full body . . . I enjoy reading DCBlogs.com even though it has a definite slant towards young, single people. No problem there. I was once young and single and remember the joys and sorrows of dating. What makes me shudder is the desperation that comes through in so many posts. I thought the women's movement had freed young women and girls from the stigma of singlehood. I was an early victim of this "new thinking." When I went away to college in 1967, I fully expected to graduate, teach school for a couple of years, get married and start a family. That was the well-established formula for all "girls" at the time. The women's movement condemned all that, something that was difficult for many of us to accept. Slowly we came to realize that we COULD have fulfilling careers; we COULD excel in sports and mathematics; we COULD live happily without a husband and/or children; etc., etc. Many men wanted nothing to do with the new woman. They didn't want to accept that women had equal intelligence and didn't like being treated like girls. I used to get so angry during group conversations when I'd ask a question or make a comment only to have someone respond to the nearest male instead of to me! That and being regarded simply as a pair of boobs was beyond insulting. The flip side of the women's lib coin was an increase in sexual freedom which the guys really didn't seem to mind. Thankfully, some men eventually "got the message" and started treating us more or less as equals -- salary inequities aside. Why then do so many of today's young women seem so meek and needy? Granted, we're still not fairly paid, but in nearly every other way, we're competing on a far more level playing field than we had in the 60s and 70s. Why can't a woman phone last evening's date to say she had a good time and enjoyed his company? Why can't a woman and man simply decide to marry each other and do it without investing tens of thousands of dollars in a one-day event which often causes arguments over silly things like color schemes, venues, and other unnecessary accoutrements? Why must there be candles, flowers, an outrageously unaffordable ring in a fancy little box presented from a debased position at a specially chosen location?? I thought this sort of thing went out with powdered wigs! Ladies: I'm here to tell you that you are allowed to act like a human and not just a silly, jabbering goofy-gal. My generation made that possible. AND, you don't need a mate to complete you. I am an example of that. After I broke my third engagement at the age of 28 I started enjoying my independence and the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted. I bought a car and discovered new places while getting lost (no sense of direction . .. *sigh*). Sure, I dated, but it wasn't something I needed. Four years later, after I'd stopped being concerned about finding a mate, he showed up! After almost two years of co-habitation, spouse and I decided consciously and together to marry each other. There was no bent knee and no"popping" (no pun intended). We had talked about it and just realized that it was time to legalize things. Since then it has been 28 years of love and war* and totally worth it. *Personal evolutions aren't always compatible, but we've accepted them because we love each other. I think an inability to handle that causes many of today's divorces. No one is perfect and the sooner I realized that applies to me, too, the easier it was to accept Spouse's faults and foibles. After all, he accepts mine and is still here!

Therapy/Schmerapy

What philandering, stupid male humans need is not therapy, but to grow up. I won't call them men because that implies a certain level of maturity. Guys like Anthony, Arnold, John and way too many more are simply hormonal boys in grown-up bodies.

I'm so tired of people "taking full responsibility" and "seeking therapy" when what they need is a swift kick in the butt and training on what it means to be an adult.

If people aren't smart enough to recognize their own shameful and/or stupid behavior, they should not be in positions of responsibility or leadership. Sadly, it seems that the more powerful and/or wealthy some become, the less maturity they exhibit.

Anthony Weiner needs to kiss his wife's feet everyday for the rest of his life -- if she's willing to stay with him. Before that, he needs to conserve the miniscule bit of dignity he has left and resign from Congress. Enough already!

I quit

After nearly 16 years of struggle, frustration and sinking hopes, I am giving up a battle. I still believe it is worth the fight, but I'm too tired and frustrated to carry on.

There are many advantages to living in a city. However, it's one of the disadvantages that I have lost the will to fight even though it affects far more people than me.

I'm speaking of commuter buses that, on a daily basis, park on city streets (in my case on the shoulder across the street from our apartment complex) and idle for several hours, killing time waiting to retrieve their passengers from jobs in D.C. to return them to their suburban homes.

Like many longtime residents, I remember days, especially during the hot months, when skies were brown with inversions: a combination of heat and air pollutants. Breathing was painful and eyes watered. Thankfully, we've come a long way from those days.

Laws were passed to prevent the kind of behavior I've tried to tackle all these years. Busses have even been granted special parking areas while they wait to collect passengers. Tour buses are a serious problems for other parts of D.C., but I'm specifically addressing commuter bus companies -- Ehre, Maryland Transit Authority, Loudoun Country Transit and others.

I have phoned their dispatchers to remind them of the law and the fact that their drivers are also wasting a lot of fuel idling for hours on end. By nature, I'm not a combative person, so responses have ranged from "sorry, there's nothing we can do about it" to "thank you for calling - click."

Calling the non-emergency number for D.C. police is pretty useless because our cops have far more important problems to deal with. I finally found the right office to handle this problem the Public Works. Last year they even sent out an inspector - at my invitation - to sit on our balcony so he could witness the situation first hand. He and his supervisor were most helpful and sympathetic but eventually had to move on to other problems.

I started logging bus arrival and departure times to send in, but the weather turned cold and wet and I gave up.

Somewhere in all D.C.'s bureaucracy, there must be a fair solution to this issue. Commuter bus drivers don't return to their terminals because they might be late picking up their afternoon passengers. They need a place to park their buses, find shelter, a bathroom and maybe a place to eat and dump trash from their buses other than in our gutters.

Just caught these two, with a third I couldn't get into the picture, a few minutes ago. The other I took last week. Both days were unhealthy for young, elderly and people with breathing problems. We've also had record heat, so I can kinda underdstand the drivers wanting to sit in their air cooled buses -- but all three? Why couldn't they get friendly and all gather in just one bus to stay cool, killing time for their scheduled pick-ups? I've asked that question before, but get silence. I hope there is someone out there who is willing to pick up where I'm leaving off. Almost two decades of beating my head against a wall is all I can give.

A Flutterby

It might be a moth, but what do I care? It's Thursday!

T.J. and me

Tom Jefferson, the guy who built Monticello and UVA, and I share a birthday -- April 13 -- give or take a couple hundred years. I've always admired his free spirit and savoir-faire. Nevertheless, dancing around his memorial statue just seems wrong. So to the group that plans a second dance tomorrow evening: CUT IT OUT!! Now Tom might be the first to say "let's dance" but I very much doubt he would be comfortable doing a jig inside Lincoln's Memorial or any other dedicated to a former national leader. Can anyone even imagine dancing around the soon to be opened Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial? These memorials are not what I'd call sacred, but they hold special meaning for many of us. Every time I drive by the mammoth statue of Dr. King, I feel a chill. I cannot forget where I was and what I was doing when I heard he had been assassinated. It was the same lost, breathless feeling we all had when JFK was killed. Granted, T.J. lived a good long life and died in bed. Still, we owe it to the millions of visitors, Americans and foreigners alike, to show respect for our heroes. It would be totally crass to dance at the Vietnam Wall or the WWII Memorial or any other reminders of American sacrifices. Thomas Jefferson devoted his life to seeing that a brand new nation survived it's birth and would flourish. [Yeah, we all know about his personal life -- so what's new?!] He earned our respect. Those who plan to again "dance on his grave" have not. You're free to dance on the stairs or the terrace, but leave the inner sanctum in peace, OK?!

On my soap box, again . . .

Wealth can turn otherwise reasonably intelligent people - men in this case - into blathering, blustering idiots. I've nicknamed the two gents of whom I speak The Dumpling and IMFunky.

At the very least, The Dumpling recognizes when he's gone overboard on his self-aggrandizing ego trips. IMFunky may never wise-up. Both are accustomed to being admired, feared, envied, and responsible for embarrassing and disgusting those around them. Being able to buy their way out of trouble requires lawyers on retainers; probably considered a legitimate business expense.

Wisdom doesn't come easily and must be sought. IMFunky seems not at all interested in wisdom, even as he considered running for president of his home country. Claiming to be a socialist, his latest escapade found him in a $3000 per night NYC hotel suite. Then, moments before his flight was to take-off, police removed him from a first class airline seat, hand-cuffed and hauled him off to court.

He had to have been one pissed-off guy at that point. Not only had the hotel maid he tried to seduce not cooperated, he left his cellphone in the suite and had to hightail it to the airport to ditch the U.S. when he realized he might be in trouble.

I can just picture him buckled into his leather, first class seat, smugly breathing a sigh of relief, perhaps sipping a glass of wine. I'd give two bucks to have seen his face when the cops boarded and arrested him!

The Dumpling has every right to spend his money however he pleases -- it's his. On the other hand, IMFunky is a disgrace to the organization he lead whose mission is to aid developing countries. Granted, his NYC stay was personal, but I would wager that official, business travel is no less luxurious. I think about the hundreds of thousands of dollars that could be better spent on digging wells so poor villagers could have a source of clean water or providing mosquito netting to slow down the spread of malaria.

Shame is a useful deterrent parents use to try to keep their kids on the straight and narrow. I feel that it has become so politically incorrect and "damaging to the psyche" that many no longer recognize behavior that would earn shame. Anything goes.

I'm glad The Dumpling has dropped out of a race he never intended trying to win. I hope not to see his hair face again for a long time.

As for IMFunky, I will try to avoid seeing his dour face though it will be everywhere for the foreseeable future. It's his anger at getting caught with someone he probably considered just another female body that really sets me off. I hope he fries!

I will be cheering on his victim who, by the way, has more courage than both these guys combined!

Civility Is Not Dead

The other day I followed a man, probably not much older than me, into an office supply store. He was terrible bent over and walked leaning heavily on a cane. It didn't bother me that he was slowing me down getting into the store. I was more concerned by the pain he appeared to be in.

We both found what we needed and stood in adjacent lines to pay. My old empathetic Peg-person came out and I had to speak to him. The cashiers were having some trouble with their machines, so we had to wait anyway.

When I made a comment about how beautiful the day was, he quickly turned toward me. When he raised his head there was a glow in his whole-face smile. I was completely taken aback by his obvious joy at making even a simple connection with someone else. My smile widened in response and we chatted amiably for several minutes.

I mention this because I've talked to strangers all my life. Growing up in the Midwest, it came naturally. When I moved to D.C. forty odd years ago it was a habit I couldn't break, no matter how many odd looks I got. In the late 1960s it was unseemly for a young white woman to speak to a young black man in passing on the street. However, my friendly "good morning" or "hello" nearly always was met with an equally friendly, if surprised, response.

In the grocery store, I sometimes regret my openness. Ever now and again I'll greet someone who desperately needs or wants a conversation. Spouse frequently gets bent out of shape because I cannot be rude, even to people who won't stop bending my ear. An appropriate opportunity will eventually present itself for me to escape.

Christmas Eve day two years ago is an example. As I was perusing cheeses, a young black man approached me and wished me a Merry Christmas. I returned the greeting which opened the verbal floodgates for him. He then proudly confessed that he hadn't taken a drink in 7 months and so many days. I enthusiastically congratulated him and wished him continued success. He then went on to detail how he had done it and even though people started to watch and listen us, I just smiled and nodded.

In the end, I offered him a handshake which he turned into a hug and we parted ways.

I believe that every human being has a personal story that they need to share. Now, I'm not sure I would share such a personal journey as this young man did with a total stranger, but it pleased me deeply to know he felt he could confide in me. Our conversation may not have changed his life, but it did mine. It reconfirmed my trust in people and the fact that civility is not dead.

I call it "Scarface"

I snapped this a few years ago in old Jamestown, Virginia. To me it's a metaphor for the will of the American People. This old tree survived a catastrophe and Americans will too. Now that a huge source of evil has been eliminated, our healing can continue, perhaps with renewed hope and less anguish. Amen.

They're Teenagers

I'm talking about the Decorah Three: three baby eaglets born to a long time mating pair. What used to be gray blobs of fluff with sharp beaks are now awkward, bigger blobs of fluff interspersed with more mature feathers. Their feet are huge and as they stumble around the nest, they remind me of my younger sibs when they were teens, first waking up in the morning, not entirely sure of where they were. So much is going on in teens' bodies during those weeks (for eagles) and years (for humans). Sleep happens far more frequently than being awake. In this particular eagles' nest, finding a comfortable position seems to be no problem. The nest is huge, but those birds are growing fast. Spouse and I have always enjoyed watching the baby ducks and geese in D.C.'s Constitution Garden and the reflecting pool off the Lincoln Memorial. Even with all the crowds, the ducks nest in bushes and seem unafraid of taking their chicks out to feed. Truthfully, none of the birds around here are afraid of anything! Rather than migrating, they hang around all year. This time of year, there are always stories and photos in the newspapers about a mama duck and her ducklings striding right out into the middle of Constitution or Independence Avenues. Kind hearted drivers stop and occasionally, one will get out to hold back the rest of the cars. The really awkward situations are when mating ducks decide to nest in potted trees on the terraces of fancy office buildings or under cooling towers. There's no way to feed the babies because they can't fly down to a pond. Many building managers are frustrated by these feathered families because tenants get seriously goofy about those critters. "Oh, you can't let them starve!" or "Let's put out some water and bird seed for them." Of course that guarantees they will return year after year. . . The eagles are nesting in a perfectly reasonable place and I admire the guy who climbed high enough to install a camera so the rest of the world could watch them. P.S. I wonder how painful it is when those adult feathers start breaking through their skin. I suppose it might be like a human baby cutting teeth -- ouch!

"Give him enough rope . . .

. . . and he'll hang himself."

I'm referring to a guy I've nicknamed "The Dumpling."

Being proud of oneself for insulting and imputing someone else's reputation and intregity seems to be a way of life for The D-man. He feels utterly entitled to express his opinions whenever and wherever he wants without regard to truth or context.

Taking credit for the work of others is also in his personal arsenal. He uses people like paper towels. Conscience and empathy don't seem to exist in his mind. If something is not to his liking or advantage, he has the means and chutzpa to attempt to alter whatever it is to the way he feels it should be.

A recent example of his gaucheness resulted from his distaste over a tent the White House used for a large formal event. It was tastefully decorated, lit and heated, and was budgetarily fitting. However, this uninvited guest decided it was completely unseemly. He tried to offer to construct a $100 million ball room to be connected to the White House for future events. At HIS expense, of course.

Is this a case of royal fever. That seems a kinder way of describing his self-centered-self-righteousness. He is toying with the idea of being King President of the United States. If it wasn't such a dreadfully stupid idea, it might be fun to watch him dangle in the winds of Washington.

What he seems to conveniently forget is that the FedGov has three, distinct branches: legislative, judicial, and executive. No one person or branch rules. This man would be frustrated out of his mind if he ever had to deal with Congress, Constitutional laws, lobbyists and international diplomacy.

The FedGov is a collection of agencies trying to protect and enhance life for every American from every imaginable angle. Any U.S. President has a huge juggling act that few are suited for. Negotiating business deals is not the same as negotiating the welfare of one group at the expense of another. Government by committee and negotiated consensus isn't at all the same as making an executive decision and sending it on down the line of command to be carried out.

I'd be interested to hear what makes some Americans think The Dumpling could or should be president. He loves to bluster and brag which seems to appeal to certain types, but he is in no way up to the task he mocks.

This whole act, in my humble opinion, is to regain the limelight he was out of for quite a while. Even he will get tired of seeing his face and quotes everywhere and return to his gold-leafed tower. The sooner the better.