It is a dark and stormy night. [No wait -- it wasn't dark yet and it was just drizzling, but you get the drift.] Dramatic, dying sunbeams sweep downward into the racing, cold, gray waters of the Potomac.
The clueless, wound-up pack of teens arrives shortly before sunset. The river and clouds have drawn them to this particular spot on the Point and the chilly air refreshes them after a full day in the bus bringing them to D.C. from their small town in [oh, I don't care -- you pick a place]. As the fresh breezes off the water reach them, their sexual energy level blossoms by at least 47%!
Skittering and scampering around the park, chasing each other in mock assault, accidentally touching each other's privates, little do they know that they are stimulating more than just themselves. Reverberations through the ground alert the Creature of the Point to his next opportunity to snack.
Stealth is crucial if Creature's hunt is to succeed. Gray clouds help because his aluminum arm is nearly the same color.
Teens are a particular delicacy. The hormones surging inside them tingle his taste buds like spice and salt -- irresistible. Pinching off their greasy little heads is like squeezing a luscious, juicy grape off its vine. Popping one into his mouth is satisfying nearly to the point of ecstasy. Teen males are a little gamier-tasting than females, but Creature is not picky.
The jig is up after consuming only four teens -- drat! Somehow, in their hormone-saturated minds, the gang of teens figures out some of their classmates have gone missing. In frustration, a chaperon blows his whistle, figuring they are in the bushes somewhere doing what teens do when they're let loose.
The gigantic, smoke-spewing bus, now occupied by four fewer passengers, soon departs the Point. I stand frozen in my steps, waiting for the inevitable.
Soon enough a hand resurfaces, feels around for anything else to eat, then, in a fit of frustration, makes an ear splitting finger-snap and descends to await another bus-full of snacks.
Life at Hains Point is never dull.