Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Some of what I have learned from being married.
1. Pick your battles. > Before reacting to what happened/didn't happen consider whether or not you will remember it five years from now. If not, let it go. If you think it will continue to bug you, react reasonably and as civilly as possible. 2. Generously apply please and thank you. > Thank him for taking out the trash. > Thank her for surprising you with your favorite casserole. Please is the grease that makes asking for a favor less onerous. It can also be the reinforcement when you want to insist on something; eg. please don't wear that sweatshirt when we go out in public -- or -- please get rid of that stinky perfume. 3. Don't take everything personally. > If he comes home all bent out of shape, don't automatically think it's because you've failed in some way. He might have been cut-off in traffic and have a raging headache. Don't take offense if he crawls-off for some alone time. [Not that this should become a habit, mind you!] 4. The only time it's OK to let yourself go is during sex. 5. If you don't like the way he does something, learn to live with it or, as an example: > Slip in when he's not there and use the gritty stuff to really get the bathtub clean and DO NOT say anything about it! 6. Leave well enough alone. > In other words, don't complain when he wants to rearrange the contents of the freezer. Is it really such a big deal? He might actually do a good job. 7. Let bygones be bygones. > Let go of your anger at him for ogling pretty girls when you're together. However, quietly let him know you notice and don't approve. Sometimes a little feigned jealousy can be flattering. DO NOT store the incident away to fire at him during your next argument/discussion. Refer to #1. 8. Give him the chance to fix it, even though you can do it much quicker.