Thursday, January 17, 2008

Thunk

After an unusually happy day I went to bed, still smiling. I decided to skip the OTC sleeping pills because I didn't think I'd need them and I was concerned about becoming dependent. I let my eyelids relax and close. Ah, sweet sleep would soon overtake me -- NOT. Out of nowhere -- thunk -- I realized that I would never see my Dad again. All these weeks I'd thought I was dealing well with my loss. Then I remembered what Mom said a couple of days ago; the shock has worn off and reality is starting to sink in. Seems like I'd convinced myself that he was simply on a long trip and would be back any day. Tears just started leaking out of my eyes -- no boo-hooing -- just warm tears flowing from the corners of my eyes, down the side of my face and into my ears triggering tormenting tickling. Not gonna get to sleep with that goin' on. So now I sit in our dark living room in front of a bright computer screen, trying to play Solitaire to numb my mind, but it's not working. Instead of the tears pooling in my ears, they're gathering in my cleavage . . .*sigh*

2 comments:

Nan said...

:-(

Sorry to hear it's hitting you, AP, but it's good that you're processing it. I miss him too, but I know it's not the same thing—he was your dad—and a pretty terrific one after all.

dcpeg said...

Thanks for your sympathetic thoughts. Terrific might be just the word to describe Dad -- he could be terrifying at times, but most of the time, he was a good guy.