Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Rudderless

There's a noticeable change in how I look at life since my Dad died. At the moment, I feel lonely and unable to stir-up enthusiasm for much of anything. When spouse comes home in the evening, it's a huge relief and all I want to do is stay in his arms. When the entire family was together for the memorial service last Friday and a few days before and after that, it felt good being around them again. Now that they've dispersed, I worry more about Mom. Her house was filled with conversations and laughter among three generations of people who love her and each other. Now, she's there alone. Mom is a strong woman, but having lost the man with whom she shared 62 years, her life can never be the same. We kids try to bolster her and she takes great joy in spending time with her grandchildren. Carolyn will spend a weekend with her grandmother in mid-December. Her joie de vivre can't help but bring cheer wherever she goes. Still, we will all be facing our first Christmas and New Year without Dad. [Every time I say or write his name, I tear-up. Hope that ends sooner than later!] I have so many good memories yet feel so empty. I guess this, too shall pass. . .

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