Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Woke up in a pit this morning.

Not literally, but strongly metaphorically. It's one I've spent varying amounts of time in throughout much of my life. It's depth depends on what's going on in my life and thankfully, my stints there are becoming fewer and shorter. Nevertheless it's a place I hate but that requires occasional visits. Being an optimist at heart, I tend to subdue and bury negative events and thoughts. Can't let go of them because I'm also a pack-rat of emotions. As one might imagine, these traits pose tricky problems for my psyche. It may sound complicated, but it's really very simple: from time to time, the negatives outweigh the positives and my brain basically shuts down to defrag. This morning I woke up alone; spouse had to go to work very early. The sun flickered around the edges of the drapes, but my body felt like lead. Today held the promise of magnificent weather, but I couldn't raise my head from the pillow. The phone rang several times out in the living room -- spouse checking in with me. When I finally dragged myself out of bed, Caller I.D. listed 9 calls from him. Worried that he might have broken something or was bleeding, I called him. He was fine and I decided it was time for me to get my s--t together and start the day. When I was still working full-time, I forced myself to put on a happy face and went to work. Now that I control my time, I can allow the negativity-purging-process to take as long as it needs. It's far quicker, with longer-lasting results when I listen to my mind/body. The days are getting shorter and Sunday marks the end of daylight savings time. I'll try, again this year, to convince myself that less daylight is OK and actually beneficial for the trees and hibernating critters. Maybe I'll put the tiny lights out on the balcony railing earlier this year and put up our tiny Christmas tree in November rather than waiting til December. It's all about light in winter. The more the merrier -- or less depressing, depending on how long it takes me to get out of bed in the morning.. . .

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